1. If you find yourself at a table reading this with no menus, water or the assistance of a staff member, you’ve blown past our “Please Do Not Seat Yourself” sign. Be patient, the above situation will be resolved shortly (hopefully). But next time….!
2. If you’ve enjoyed your time here, tell your friends. If not TELL US!
3. The only thing ‘on the house’ is the roof, silly!
4. We accept Cash, Mastercard, Visa and Interac (debit) cards and oh, did I mention Cash? Sorry, baubles, beads, cheques, I.O.U.s or offers to do the dishes are not accepted.
6. High maintenance customers may be subject to a $2 surcharge during peak times (see rules #10 & 11).
7. Please enjoy your time with us, but in the event of a wait for tables, once you’re done, GIT! (In other words, could you please make room for the next group in a reasonably respective time frame).
8. We proudly serve great coffee here, so please finish your half caff, decaf vanilla soy latte with sprinkles that you brought from another establishment prior to taking a seat in ours.
9.Unattended children will be given a free kitten and an espresso (and we’ll make you pay for the espresso).
10. Having it your way is the motto of somewhere else. Special orders, modifications and substitutions may not be accommodated during peak times. Come when we’re slower and we’ll gladly put together an item of your specifications.
10. If you’re in a hurry to pay the bill, and don’t want a long wait, tell your server you need separate checks before you’re standing by the door, tapping your foot, sighing heavily, looking at the time etc. with your arms crossed.
11. Good food takes time to prepare, please bear with us if you’re not served in 10 minutes, or 20, or 30. We’ll get to ya!